Everyone has a Secret, Even the Akatsuki
by RH Dattebayo
Summary: WARNING:The story may contain spoilers in the Naruto series.Akatsuki have been a very well kept secret in Naruto, where did they come from? what are their motives? And most importantly what are their personal histories? Prepare to laugh your head off!
1. Chapter 1 An Unforgettable Compromise

**Chapter 1- An unforgettable compromise**

Tobi was sitting on a ledge above the Akatsuki cave. He casually scratched his back. That damn itch seemed to have been there forever, but he could never seem to get the scratch to penetrate through his jumpsuit. This, by the way was one of the reasons why Tobi was staying in that same spot for such a long time.

Just then two men in black with red clouded cloaks came out of the nearby forest. They followed a trail toward the mouth of the cave. Tobi waited for them to reach the end of the path when he jumped down from his ledge and landed directly in front of them. One of them had a grayish-blue complexion and spiky stiff looking hair, and held a creepy resemblance to an ET on crack that had been feeding on fish flakes his whole life. "TOBI! For the last time, GO HOME" (the gray skinned man quietly sings to himself _'ET go Ho-o-ome'_), the other man with black hair and two lines across his face was the one talking to Tobi.

Tobi crouched "aww….. But Tobi is a good boy, he is, he is" he repeated several times to hopefully get the men's approval. The fish looking man squinted "God Dammit Tobi! Get the hell away and leave us the fuck alone you swirly faced freak!" The dark haired man patted the fish man on the shoulder and spoke quietly close into his ear "Watch what you say dear, you're a freak too you know" The fish man gave the Uchiha a puppy dog eyed stare "But you still love me right sweetie?" The Uchiha put his arm around the fish mans waist and whispered "of course, forever----"

Tobi leaned forward in a way to mean confusion "Wha?...um ok, look guys I'm offering a hefty trade. I'll give you……" Tobi put his hand into his front pocket and fumbled around inside for a bit. "oooook. Well, let's see. I have 3 paper clips and some black lint……heh, how's that for a trade eh boys?" Tobi gave an entrepreneur-like tone. The fish man sniffed "pah! I got my coat dry cleaned yesterday I have enough lint to fill up Australia……._wait…how the hell did I know about that place?_ " The Uchiha tugged on the fish mans sleeve "We should be going now the leader is waiting, there's no use in getting this guy some professional help. You might as well ignore him for now" The two men directed their attention toward the mouth of the cave and walked in while holding hands. Tobi leaned forward toward the opening and seemed even more confused than usual. Just then the door slammed shut on his face.

**Record-Tape 01- ITACHI**

**Itachi: **so, what exactly am I here for anyway?

**Ren: **Participating in a world transforming experiment.

**Itachi:** which is?

**Ren: **an interview about your life, the fans will love it….believe me

**Itachi: **_sigh _somehow I don't believe that

**Ren:** well, why not?

**Itachi: **……….because I hate fans, they should all go fuck themselves.

**Ren:** _cough_ um alright……well let's get started with the interview, shall we. Ok first question, where are the two lines across your face from, or what do they symbolize?

**Itachi:** Your mom……

**Ren:** …… seriously now, Itachi work with me. We need to please the fans

**Itachi:** What's the significance on knowing why I have lines on my face? ...retard

**Ren:** Look you frak face! This is my job, the least you can do is cooperate. It's not like I can pull the answers out of my ass!

**Itachi:** oh, I'm sure if you tried it would work……..

**Ren:** you know what? I can't see why everyone loves you so much. You torture your dear bother and kill off every Uchiha for your own selfish reasons!

**Itachi:** yawn….. That was a really bad comeback. Can I leave now? I have a 'date' with my hubbie and I promised I'd be there before 5 pm. _walks out of the room_

**Ren:** ………damn frak face

**-End-**


	2. Chapter 2 Trial of the Scorpion

**Bio #1- Kisame and Itachi-** Joining forces

Itachi never seemed to care that Kisame would follow him wherever he went. Sure people say that he has to be with him because they're a team, but is it more than that? It was one fateful day that Itachi and Kisame would join forces in a meeting to group teams of two to go on missions for the Akatsuki. But as quickly as the teams joined they were separated or simply did not care for the whole 'teaming-up' gig. Except for of course Kisame and Itachi. Kisame may have been this 'shark monster' that everyone made him out to be, but Itachi was one of the few people that actually 'understood' Kisame. Itachi was pretty conceited always putting on mascara and curling his eyelashes before he leaves to go to anywhere, Kisame constantly had to pull Itachi from mirrors just to get him to leave.

Kisame loved the fact that Itachi was so good at mental torture, and poked fear (and that was some 'poking' that he was good at) into the hearts of others. They were a perfect 'couple'. On days where the Akatsuki were not on any missions, or weren't intimidating snails they were free to do whatever they liked. Sometimes Kisame and Itachi would take evening strolls, just to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the cave. The trip would usually end up with Kisame scaring some innocent children away, he loved to interrogate. As one of the 'Kiri no Shinobigatana Nanajin shu' he was full of himself and way too proud. These two Akatsuki made some pretty interesting couple.

**Chapter 2-** Trial of the Scorpion

Sasori had been dead for quite some time now, but the blonde haired question mark aka Deidara managed to use a minor form of Edo Tensei, bringing Sasori's hitokugutsu back to life by summoning Sasori's soul.

Deidara was patching up some of the 'skeletal' spots on the hitokugutsu's body, he hated the fact that such a powerful justu that brings someone back to life could even exists, because it would mean the soul could last forever (he constantly argued over topics of long lasting and short term with Sasori). Deidara used some clay covering over the hitokugutsu for added protection. Deidara used the hand seals of the dog and dragon and pressed his fingers into the body. This would carry out the long process of resurrection. Just then chakra started to burn through the body, the pale color of the hitokugutsu suddenly took on a peach tone. It got up and shook its head "you just couldn't wait for the leader to burn up my precious hitokugutsu eh? So you took them for yourself, how selfish". The hitokugutsu was well and alive speaking to Deidara as if none of them had ever left. Deidara sneered "Polite as usual Sasori-no-Danna" he said sarcastically. Sasori looked around the crappy hut they were in "Nice place you got here shrimp". "I wouldn't act like that Sasori-no-Danna, I have full control over your body, you be rude again and I'll have to cut off my chakra circulation through your body" Deidara said. Sasori grumbled "What exactly did you do?" Deidara gave a proud smile "well, I have to say I did a pretty good minor form of resurrection on your old rag doll's body seeing as that I've been preparing for months of course. Anyway I'm using my own chakra to feed into your lines. You need my power in order to sustain life here."

Sasori began inspecting his new body, especially his fingers. He'd need them to pull the strings of his puppets, which was the most important thing to him right now. "Is it that time already?" Sasori said. Deidara nodded, "yes, prepare for phase 2. You have a limited amount of time on earth, we need your help in order for this to be a successful mission". Sasori pulled out a black coat from the hanger and pulled the hood over his head "well then, let's go" he said impatiently. Deidara nodded, he went toward a nearby drawer and pulled out a couple of dusty yellow slips of paper then turned to Sasori "I haven't told Zetsu about how I would revive you. But I think its better off he doesn't know about this." Sasori shook his head "Zetsu doesn't concern us, he's probably out in a village taking an all you can eat buffet on the people there, just like last time….that made the leader upset you know. By the way…. You think anyone knows I'm back? I mean for all we know there could be someone on the roof spying on us." Deidara walked toward the window "I'm sure they'll know about it sooner or later Sasori-no-Danna, I bet there's a little 'worm' sneaking up on us just outside"

Outside Tobi's stomach lurched at the sound of his name being called, he dashed back into the forest.

After a few more preparations Sasori and Deidara stepped out of hut and bolted out of the area.

**Record-Tape 02-?**

**Ren:** testing? Testing?

_fizzing noises _

stupid tape….get in….. Hold on a sec.

**A/N:** ….hmm….oh alright

_fumbling noises_

**Ren:** testing testing? 1…2…3? _Click_

**END**


End file.
